Home is Where Your Heart Is--

Home is Where Your Heart Is.

I have been thinking about aging relatives, yours and mine. My Uncle Mort, a well known behavioral psychologist in his day, who wrote extensively about motivation, was once the president of a major university and later an adjunct professor at Harvard, and president of a social club whose name I cannot recall, was dropped off on his 88th birthday at a facility for people with Alzheimer’s by his wife, an unpleasant social climber who, when he could no longer keep up with her, had the means to confine him for the rest of his life in a place other than their commodious condo high atop The Ritz Carleton in Boston.

He didn't have Alzheimer’s, just some slowing of his once wry wit, and some forgetfulness. Many people do at his age.

When I heard about this unconscionable act, I flew to Boston to see him and meet with his sons to see what we could do. We discovered that the staff was as baffled as were. No one thought that he had Alzheimer’s; more likely he was a victim of elder-abuse by you know who. Although she threatened the staff and fought us all we managed to have him transferred to an assisted living facility where he was happier but not very happy. He wanted to go home but finally became resigned to his fate, a thought he expressed to anyone who would listen. Recently, after two illnesses that landed him first in the hospital and then rehab, he has become quite disorientated. The nurses say that this may be temporary but it seems unlikely. Our phone conversations have become very difficult.

He knows who I am just not where he is and why he is there. I wonder how the last two years would have been if she had allowed him to stay at home albeit with assistance, so that she would be free to continue her life as she saw fit. We will never know.

I think that we should try our best to keep our modestly forgetful, diapered, aging, loved ones at home rather than turn them out to live in unfamiliar places especially if they have sweet dispositions like my Uncle Mort. What do you think?. Do you have a story about an aging relative? I would like to hear it.